| Rank | Title | Details |
| 1 | InterToto | The daddy of mockability. A tournament created by UEFA so that the football pools could continue through the summer. |
| 2 | Watney Cup | Early 1970's competition, contested pre-season by the highest scoring club from each of the 4 English divisions. Almost made famous by the last line of Half Man Half Biscuit's classic "Rod Hull is Alive. Why?" |
| 3 | Full Members Cup | Also known as the Simod and ZDS cup. It was created to compensate for English clubs being kicked out of Europe. Some compensation for Man Utd fans - a trip to the Nou Camp ? or a rainy night in Grimsby in the Simod Cup ? You decide. |
| 4 | FIFA World Club Championship | Another FIFA money making venture. Bring back the Toyota Cup. |
| 5 | Football League Trophy | Open to the lowest 2 English divisions, and also known as the Sherpa Van, Freight Rover, LDV Vans, Auto Windscreens - no one knows what the compulsory van sponsorship thing is all about but its great for low-level cup mockery. |
| 6 | Anglo-Italian Cup | 1979 Final - Sutton United v Chieti. Great stuff. |
| 7 | Confederations Cup | Much maligned competition for the winners of the six confederation championships (plus world champions and hosts). Remember the classic France-Japan final of 2001 ? No, neither do we. |
| 8 | Texaco Cup | Another classic from the 70's, this one open to clubs who didn't qualify for Europe. Named the Texaco Cup because that's what the winners got, a petrol station of their choice. Or did they just sponsor it ? |
| 9 | Premiership | Ok, so strictly speaking its not a cup competition, but its has to go on for being predictable, dull, over-rated, over-priced and over here. |
| 10 | Charity/Community Shield | Despite its status as the 'traditional curtain raiser', this has become a bit of a joke. It's now one of the laws of England that only Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and Man Utd can appear in it. |
