A big hello to soccer gossip fans everywhere. We're back with more tip top tittle tattle from the football world. And for the football world (well Britain) its holiday time! We've got some juicy summertime escapades from footballers around the globe (well Britain) so lets, ahem, kick off, with this.

With all eyes focused on Wayne and Waynetta Rooney getting married in Italy, the paparazzi have missed some juicy bite-sized stories that we're only too pleased to bring to you.

Hollywood first and the curse of the Snodin's strikes again. While brother Ian's marital issues with Eva Longoria have made headlines all over the world, brother Glyn's restaurant problems have gone from bad to wurst! Apparently, showbiz pals Paul Shane and Russ Abbott were spending time at 'Glyn's Gaffe' while in negotiations with Universal Studios over their forthcoming blockbuster movie adaptation of TV classic Selwyn Froggatt. The film, which pitches former Hi-De-Hi star Shane into some steamy scenes with Angelina Jolie and is directed by Ridley Scott, has been put hold after Jolie had eaten some out of date sausages cooked by Snodin. Before long Jolie was complaining about a 'gippy tummy' and had to leave, threatening to bin the whole project. Snodin, who has money worries and was recently sued by Bernard Matthews for using that pink ham as a trifle, denied the sausages were out of date but when Ridley Scott rifled through the bins out the back he spotted an empty packet of Walls that was SIX months out of date!

Big Sam has gone public with his criticism of the BBC again after purchasing a book by them which he thought was rubbish. 'Blades Business Crew: The Inside Story of a Football Hooligan Gang' was on offer with Amazon and Allardyce, who can't resist a bargain, thought he'd grab a copy. But Allardyce was highly critical of the book claiming that "It's a travesty. They're always heavily outnumbered and yet they always seem to win the fights. Also, it's always the other hooligan gangs who knock old ladies over and land cheap shots in pubs and never them. It's not a patch on 'Congratulations, You Have Just Met the ICF' by Cass Pennant. That was ace." We phoned the BBC for a comment and were put through to Gary Lineker's office but a confused woman told us that Mr Lineker was having his afternoon nap.

Finally, we can't end without one Rooney story. Pal John Terry has broken the bank to purchase one of the last remaining Trevor Francis Tracksuit's, as sung about on the closing titles of Only Fools and Horses, as a wedding present. These days the thin acrylic tracksuits are worth hundreds of thousands of pounds. Terry, who bought the tracksuit from a mush in Shepherds Bush, is thought to have spent in the region of a cool quarter of a million on the tracksuit. Rooney is said to be delighted.

A big hello to soccer gossip fans everywhere. We're back with more tip top tittle tattle from the football world. And there's plenty to tuck into this month...

There's only one place to start and that's Hollywood! The on-off, will they-won't they, upstairs-downstairs, underground-overground, Wombling free romance between former Doncaster legend Ian Snodin and sultry, silky, sextress Eva Longoria is back ON again! Rumour had it last time out that Ian's homing pigeons were causing a major rift at the couples $6 billion Beverly Hills mansion. However, Longoria rallied to the defence of her new beau when a Residents Association committee, led by Joe Pesci, and someone from the council, came to visit to the couple to discuss the noise nuisance from their feathered friends. The feisty Latino threw out the committee after a heated spat with Pesci and fellow member Melvyn Hayes. Since then she has taken a keen interest in Snodin's hobby and plans to join him on his next trip back to South Yorkshire for the prestigious Mexborough and District Pigeon Racing League annual dinner and dance at the Rams Head, Greasborough (tickets £18.50).

A new name has emerged that will reignite the debate about the future of Arsenal Football Club. After fending off the efforts of billionaires Stan Kroenke and Alisher Usmanov, the board face a new, even more controversial figure who is launching a bid. We can reveal that none other than controversial terrorist overlord Osama Bin Laden has been considering a takeover of the north London club. According to our sources in the Tora Bora caves on the Pakistan / Afghanistan border, Bin Laden is determined to stop his international campaign of terror because "he can't be arsed with it anymore". If he was to stop, Bin Laden would need something to spend the billions that the CIA gave him on, and as a passionate Gooner, Arsenal would fit the bill. However, in addition to resistance from the Arsenal board, Bin Laden might struggle to pass the FA's fit and proper person test for club ownership. This follows the failed bid by fellow international terrorist mastermind, Mullar Omar, for his beloved Stockport County.

With the Diana inquest rumbling on there's more trouble for her former butler and self-styled rock, Paul Burrell. Burrell was famously acquitted from stealing loads of old stuff from the deceased Princess of Hearts in 2002 and since then has somehow managed to wing a Z list celebrity career out of it. Well, there's more memorabilia misuse as it emerges that Burrell has been hoarding Chesterfield FC souvenirs from club legend Ernie Moss. Burrell is originally from Grassmoor, near the town, and remains a devout supporter of the club. Although he tries desperately to sound posh, his accent completely collapses whenever he visits Saltergate in one of his disguises (usually Barney Rubble). The story is dynamite despite the fact that Moss is neither particularly famous outside north Derbyshire nor the most photographed woman in the world. Moss is distraught, particularly at the loss of his match programme from the final of the 1981 Anglo-Scottish Cup. When we phoned Burrell's office for his side of the story we were told that Burrell was out, selling old kettles down Streatham High Street.

Finally news reaches of a real pop shocker. Ageing Mancunian miserableist, Morrissey, has decided his new single will be none other than a remake of the 1982 England World Cup song 'This Time - We'll Get it Right'. Should be fun! Mozzer is said to be a big fan of the song.

Don't say we didn't tell you. Alright, we didn't, claiming his new love interest would be TV-AM chef Rusty Lee, not some hairdresser. But we were first to crack the story. That's why we lead, the tabloids follow!

Ta Ta for Now!

To 'kick off' October's gossip we're heading straight to Hollywood! But not to see what Becks and Posh are up to. No, the fallout from this year's Emmy awards continues... our spies are telling us that the friendship between Sopranos star James Gandolfini and Geordie pin-up Peter Beardsley is on the rocks big-time. Apparently Beardo knocked Gandolfini's pint of mild over just before he got up to collect his Best Actor's gong. Some of the mild apparently splashed on his new pig-skin brogues, which somewhat irritated the fictional Mafia don. Apologies were refused and offers to buy him another pint were angrily rejected. Eventually Edie Falco (Gandolfini's on screen wife Carmen) intervened and a distraught Peter had to leave early with pals Barry Venison and Corrie's Roy Cropper, alias actor David Neilson, who had just lost out to Gandolfini for the Best Actor prize.

Staying in Hollywood, the on-off, will-they-won't-they engagement between Desperate Housewives sultry beauty Eva Longoria and former Doncaster and Everton playmaker Ian Snodin is off again! The latest bust up has been put down to work related pressures by publicists but we believe the truth is more complex. Sources from Tinseltown are suggesting that Snodin's homing pidgeons are the real cause! Snodin, who keeps the pidgeons in the spare bathroom at the couples $4 billion Bel Air mansion, has refused all efforts from Longoria to have them removed. Apparently she objects to the smell and neighbours, including George Clooney, Joe Pesci, Ozzy Osbourne and former Basil Brush front man Roy North, have all complained to the local residents association.

Talking of the Snodin's, brother Glynn's venture into the Hollywood haute-cuisine market looks to be over before it started - potty-mouthed chef Gordon Ramsey refused to join up with the ex-Donny Rovers star at the dreadfully named 'Glynn's Gaff' in an expensive part of Beverley Hills and Snodin Jr was unable to pay the first month's rent after just 5 people turned up over the opening weekend, 2 of which were his old Rotherham chums Barry and Paul Chuckle, in town to push their new stage show 'The Chuckle Brothers versus Hollywood'. Things went from bad to worse when there was an incident with the dessert. He really shouldn't have had custard pie on the menu with those Chuckle Brothers around! Stick to what you know Glynn.

It's the home leg now and there's a storm brewing in the Cole household. Husband Ashley is not best pleased with wife Cheryl's non-stop partying antics. In particular, his tea is rarely cooked when he comes home from work and often it's not even his favourite dish of Alphabetti Spaghetti on toast. Tweedy is rarely out of the glossies and we can only suggest that her nocturnal antics are affecting her cookery skills. Rumours of a new lady in Ashley's life continue to abound and the word on the street is that she is none other than former TV-AM chef Rusty Lee! If true (and to be honest our sources aren't 100%), and things do develop, at least being called Rusty Cole isn't really amusing. Maybe she's learnt the lesson from her disastrously brief marriage to Jimmy Nail.

And finally, news reaches us from Barrow-in-Furness that our old team-mate Trevor Francis has landed his dream role in the town's Panto - playing Aladdin opposite Christoper Biggins' Widow Twanky. Break a leg Trev.